3rd Trimester!!

As I type, I'm in total disbelief that I've actually entered into my 3rd trimester of this pregnancy! But indeed, at 29 weeks (and a few days at this point), that's the reality.

I am SUCH a mess of emotions as of late. Earlier this month marked the year anniversary of finding out I was pregnant with the baby we ended up losing. In just a week or so it will be the anniversary of finding that out, going through the D&C, etc. We've come so far in this year, but those emotions are still fresh and affect me.

I also find myself a little sad. As silly as it sounds, I'm mourning a bit the loss of our little family of three. We've been this way for almost four years, and it seems odd (albeit super exciting) to add another person to the mix. I also am sad recognizing that this may be my last pregnancy. At this point, I would still like another baby, but Jeromy is pretty set on two - and this process and pregnancy has been very hard on me...on us...so I'm not sure that we'll take it on again.

And of course there's excitement and anticipation! It's hard to believe that in less than 3 months we'll have another baby - start over with all those firsts, and learn to love another little being, and become a family of four. Man, oh, man!

So here's a little glimpse of where things are at since my last update.

Maternity Clothes: Yup, definitely. Pretty much all my pants are maternity. There's one pair that I managed to wear recently that isn't, but the button was undone, and it wasn't the most comfortable. I'm wearing regular, non-maternity leggings, and I have some dresses and skirts that aren't maternity, but that's about it.

For tops, it's a bit of a mixed bag. I don't have a ton of maternity shirts. I did start pulling out some more in the last few weeks, but for the most part, my tops are non-maternity. When I'm not pregnant I wear my tops loose enough, or in a style that lends itself well to wearing when pregnant. I keep meaning to go out and get a couple new tops and maybe a new pair of jeans, but I haven't gotten around to it yet.

Sleep: Ahhh...sleep. I have been having some major pregnancy insomnia. I'll wake up in the middle of the night (sometimes because Linnea makes noise or is up, sometimes for apparently no reason), and I CANNOT get back to sleep. I'm exhausted, and want to sleep, but can't get there. It's not even that my mind is racing (which is weird because my mind does that a lot). I just lay there. It's been as long as an hour and half at times. I know it's probably just preparing me for less sleep when the baby comes, but I would really like to sleep well when I can!

Like I mentioned in my last post, I'm usually a stomach sleeper, so it's been hard on my body to not be able to do that. Using the body pillow helps, but a lot of times I wake up pretty sore, and I think that's why.

Best Moment of the Week: Again, I'm covering several weeks here... however, we've gotten into the stage where there are not as many firsts. I appreciate continuing to feel better. Jeromy has gotten to feel a lot more movement out of baby. It's fun to have those big, regular movements again - it's one of my favorite parts of pregnancy. It makes things feel a lot more real. I've enjoyed continuing to feel more like myself - having more energy and appetite. I (knock on wood) haven't had any bad waves of nausea recently. I'm also glad that the weather has been improving (with the exception of a good portion of last week) so I can be out and active more.

Movement: Yup, this baby is quite a mover. Lots of big movements. She's a little shy, in that I've had a bit of a hard time getting others to feel her. Linnea likes to try a lot, but I don't think she's really felt any big movements. I've had a couple other friends try without any luck. And a lot of times when I have Jeromy feel her, she'll stop (though he has caught several good kicks).

I've been surprised at how high she feels already. I'm getting some ribcage pain and kicks, which I definitely remember with Linnea - I just thought they came a bit later.

Food Cravings: Lately, not as many. Thankfully, my appetite has come back for the most part, so the peaks and valleys of cravings and aversions have leveled off.

I still have a bit of a sweet tooth. I was seriously concerned that this would cause me to fail the infamous glucose test, but I passed with flying colors this past Friday! Woot! Now pass me that bag of Skittles!

I'm loving lemonade - specifically of the pink, strawberry/raspberry variety. Jeromy bought some Simply Lemonade on sale last week and I had to stop myself from drinking the jug of mango lemonade in one sitting.

Confession. One day recently (after a doctor's appointment no less) I wanted McDonald's french fries so bad that I couldn't resist a trip through the drive thru to get some. I usually have WAY more willpower than that.

Another confession is that I haven't been great about resisting the temptation of pop. I guess there are worse things, and I don't go crazy with it, but I have a few pops within the week.

Other than that, nothing super strong...

Food Aversions: As alluded to above, this has been much better. Overall, I don't quite have the appetite that I usually do. Foods rarely "sound good" to me, though at least they don't "sound bad." Mostly, everything is fair game, though meats and seafood are sometimes touchy.

I'm really glad to be past the point of being nauseated by anything and everything!

Morning Sickness: Glad to have this behind me! Occasionally when I get up I'll just have a teeny tiny level of quesiness in my stomach. Maybe this sounds gross or odd, but a little scoop of peanut butter usually does the trick to get it to go away. I can definitely deal with that - so much better than what it was.

 

Gender: Another girl. I'm a little sad we don't have a fun nickname for her like we did for Linnea (Sweet Pea). She is most commonly referred to as simply "baby sister."

Symptoms: Like I said in my last post, I've been a little surprised by how early some of the other symptoms of pregnancy have presented themselves. I've been a lot more tired and sore this time around at this point. I try to cut myself a break because I know it's hard work growing a person (and chasing a 3-year-old), but it's frustrating. I'm not used to feeling so tired and sore.

I also have a numb spot right along my bra line, under my boobs. It's so weird. I thought it was caused by my bras, so I switched to nursing bras (no underwire). It's gotten a little better, but is still a bit bothersome. I feel like baby sister is sitting quite a bit higher than Linnea did, as most of her movement and my soreness is in the rib area.

Also the sleep issues I referenced above.

What I miss: I still am really missing running. I didn't help that I totally geeked out over Boston Marathon a week or so ago. Between my 2nd pregnancy, my miscarriage, and this pregnancy, I haven't been running regularly in a very long time. Running (and generally being active) is an important part of my health and well-being for me, so it's really hard to feel SO far behind from where I usually I am.

I'm not much of a drinker, but I found myself missing cold beverages this past week or so. We had our neighbors over for a BBQ last week, and I was wishing I could have a beer too. Oh well.

I miss sleeping on my stomach.

I miss having clothes fit right. I don't have a lot of maternity clothes, and nothing that fits great, so it just kinda feels like nothing fits right/looks good. I'm such a cheapskate, that I really resist buying new clothes, especially ones that I'll just wear for a couple months.

What I'm looking forward to: When I started writing this post, I wrote that Jeromy and I were going on a little babymoon. I didn't get a chance to post this before we left, so that's behind us already. We had a great time - post to come (I hope!).

I'm looking forward to taking steps towards getting things ready room-wise (we have hardly done ANYTHING yet - poor second baby). And just generally feeling more prepared. I'm SUCH a planner, that it's quite alarming that I have hardly done anything in terms of getting things ready for this little one!

Here are some bumps pictures recently. I am just not good with weekly bump shots - I wasn't with Linnea either, so I can't even say that's just a second baby thing.

26 1/2 weeks

27 1/2 weeks

A collage of bumps at 28 1/2 weeks (apparently I'm not on top of it enough to take pictures at the week mark, and hit the 1/2 week mark?)

July is coming fast!! Eeeeee!!!

 

Spring Blogger Exchange

 

I readily admit that I'm not really what I consider a "real" blogger. I have never had a sponsored post (I don't even know how one would go about doing that). I've never done a "link up" (nor do I really understand what that is). No one designed my blog (it's the best I could manage with my limited computer skills). Despite my best efforts, my plans to blog regularly with interesting and insightful posts have failed miserably.

But never the less, I try. I was initially motivated to try by some friends whose blogs I enjoyed reading. I wanted to blog to keep a record of my life. I like taking pictures, and I like remembering the big and little milestones. In my mind, it would be a bonus if I made some new friends or connections.

Although I haven't managed to be a "real" blogger with regular posts, I have managed to make some new friends and establish new connections. Woo hoo! WIN!

Two new connections I've made through blogging are Amy and Jess, whose blogs I started following thanks to the suggestion of other blogging friends. It's been especially fun to connect with people like them -  young mamas who are in a very similar stage as me.

So when I got an e-mail from Amy saying that she and Jess were organizing a Spring Blogger Exchange, I was instantly intrigued. But then the doubt creeped in... compared to these awesome bloggers, my blog seemed totally amateur. I have actually worried about writing this post because I wanted it to be "just right."

But after a couple e-mails back and forth with Amy I was convinced that I should put those feelings behind me, and go for it! I'm so glad I did.

Amy and Jess had invited a few other young mama bloggers to participate. The basic gist is that each blogger would be matched with someone, and exchange a fun little Spring care package for their kids. Once Amy gathered the names, we were all paired up - and set out to create our care packages!

I was assigned to send a package to Sara, and her kiddos Mac and Mim. As much as I love buying gifts for people I know, it's almost more fun to buy gifts for people I don't know. I suppose to me it's less pressure... I'm less hindered by what I know about them, and just excited about finding things I think they might like. It's like a little puzzle.

Sara's blog wasn't one that I followed at the start of the exchange, so I did a little bit of reading to get a feel of things they might like. Sara's cutie pie Mac is a little younger than my Linnea, and Mim is an adorable little 7 month old.

Armed with a little insight I got from her blog, I set off to Target to put my care package together. It was super fun! I had no problem finding lots of things to include - if anything it was hard to narrow it down!

I brought home the gifts, and talked with Linnea about the exchange. Though she was a bit bummed that she didn't get to keep the things I bought, she was excited that she was going to get gifts in the mail!

We wrapped up the gifts, and tucked them carefully in a box to be mailed. I added a little note to each one to help Sara know what I was thinking with each gift. It looked like this...

Linnea LOVES coloring (all the rainbows, all the time) lately, so I enlisted her to make a couple colorful notes to include in our package.

Once it was all wrapped up and set to go, off to the post office we went to mail it off. I was down right giddy (is that weird?) thinking about them receiving it...hoping they liked what we chose...hoping that they got as much joy in getting it as we did giving it. Linnea seemed pretty excited too.

A few days later, we received our package in the mail from our partner Amy. Her and her son Cash put our package together, and we were both super excited to see what they sent.

Yup. Linnea was just a bit excited... :-)

Opening the package, it was hard to believe that we've never met Amy or Cash - they made such good and fun choices for us!

We ooed and ahhed over all of things inside. Full disclosure: one of my downfalls as a blogger is that I don't have a fantastic camera, and I often forget to take pictures in the moment, so we don't have pictures of opening the package. You'll have to take my word for it - lots of excitement!

Here's a shot of what we got... a cute little book (a feel and read - with soft down for the chick), a fun spring-y note pad, chocolate, an adorable onesie for baby sister, a pair of sunglasses for Linnea, spring window cling/gels, a coloring book, some cute paper straws, and a nice note from Amy (I'm hoping I'm not forgetting anything - the package got opened and scattered by my dear Linnea).

We got the package in the still-gloomy days of March, so even the brightness and sunshiny-ness of the presents made it feel like spring!

I love this shot with a little handsy Linnea...you can tell what one of her favorite items is! :-)

Like I said, Linnea was probably most excited for the coloring book. Girlfriend is SO into coloring right now (heard at least once a day in our house: "Mama, I'm going to color this RAINBOW colors!"
She didn't hesistate a bit to dig in!

So excited for her new bunny coloring book!

Another Linnea favorite was the sunglasses (or sunnies as we call them in our house). She loves sunnies, and we always have to have a pair nearby in case she needs 'em.

3 going on 13 much? She was giving me a little attitude with this one...

Ready for some spring-time SUN!!

Linnea also liked the book...she is SUCH a bookworm. This one earned the trifecta ultimate compliment from Linnea... A) she wanted to read it right away, B) she wanted to read it at bed time and C) she wanted to take it to bed with her (while other kids fill their beds with stuffed animals, Linnea fills hers with books - she is allowed to take 3 books to sleep with her, and it's the ultimate compliment for a book when it's chosen as one of the three!).

I think this will also be a great book to have when baby sister comes. I couldn't help by smile imagining Linnea reading it to her come July!

One of my favorite items was the onesie. Amy, how did you know that I LOVE owls?! It's still such a shock to see teeny baby clothes again. I can't imagine Linnea was once small enough to fit into clothes that small, but I know she was...and our new Little Miss will look SO cute in this little owl onesie.

(Funny side story, as I was taking the picture below Linnea said, "Uhhhh, mama? I don't think this will fit me!" I had to remind her that it's for baby sister, which made it very excited.) :-)

A mutual favorite item of ours was the chocolate. Again, Amy, how did you know that me and Linnea's ultimate love language is "chocolate?" :-) Needless to say, we didn't hesitate to tackle this bar together.

Amy, thank you so much for inviting us to take part, and for encouraging me to give it a go. And a HUGE thank you for putting together such an awesome spring package for us.

In case you are curious, here's a full list of the mamas who participated in this exchange:

Jamie from Cocktails and Carseats
Jessica from The Newly
Sara from Running from the Law
Alisha from Simple Luxury
Jessica from Kessler Kraziness
Amy from Keepin' Up with the Smiths
Becky (me) from B Happy in Today

 

 

Thanks, Amy and Jess, for organizing such a fun exchange!! 

"Half Baked" - a 20(+) week update

Hello, blogging world.

Man, I have been just horrible with posting on here. I'm not sure quite what it's been... a lot going on, I guess...still a lot of emotions...still having some "under the weather days."

Never the less, I wanted to try to keep up with updates...mostly for myself, to be able to look back on, but also just for the sake of blogging (I'm still really trying to be a "real" blogger).

It's a little crazy, but I'm already more than halfway through this pregnancy! In some ways the time has gone by SO. SLOWLY, but on the other hand, I can't believe that I'm over the halfway mark. July will be here before I know it! This very well could be my last pregnancy, which makes me sad... I'm trying not to "wish away the days," and savor every bit of this experience.

A lot of people have been asking how I've been feeling. Thankfully, I am feeling MUCH better overall. For the last 3-4 weeks or so I've seen an increase in energy, decrease in overall nausea, and a bit of an increased appetite. I've been reminded how gradual this is (at least for me). I don't notice the change right away., But then I have a string of days that I don't need a nap at work (seriously, at it's worst I was depended on a work nap every. single. day), don't crash on the couch after work, and/or can actually eat somewhat normally, and I realize...it's better!!

Now, at 23 weeks, good days are (thankfully) the norm! Waves of nausea still creep up on me, and I still sometimes need to crash on the couch after work, but it's maybe 1-2 times a week instead of 6 or 7 times a week. Whew!

It's good timing too, as Winter in Minnesota seems to be (knock on wood) coming to an end. I know, I know...we could still get another storm or cold snap or two, but now that we've seen weather in the 60s, I gotta believe we're in the home stretch. This is one thing I've really enjoyed about being pregnant on this timeline. I feel crummy for a good stretch, but it's when the weather is crummy, and I don't really want to be doing anything anyways. Win!

I don't think I've EVER done one of the "standard" pregnancy updates, but since I've sort of slacked with blogging - in general and with this pregnancy - I thought I'd give it a whirl.

Here we go...

Maternity Clothes: I, like most 2nd time mamas I've talked with, found myself in maternity clothes a lot earlier this time around. Partly because I've gotten bigger faster, but particularly because I remember how darn comfy they are!

I remember "fighting" maternity clothes for a while with Linnea, in denial I suppose that I was ready for them. This time around...no shame. I'm exclusively in maternity pants (and have been since about week 18 I think). I have some maternity shirts, but mostly I'm wearing my normal tops.

I am discovering that I'm in need of some more basic pieces...that's on my to-do list. Any good places I should check out?

Sleep: Sleep is still good. If anything wakes me up at night, it's usually Linnea (thankfully, nothing extended...usually just a bad dream or needs covers or lost a stuffed animal or something). When she wakes me up, I have to go to the bathroom, but I don't wake up for that exclusively.

I'm getting a lot more uncomfortable sooner...I'm a stomach sleeper usually, which obviously doesn't really work. I always (pregnant or not) sleep with a body pillow, which helps a lot.

Best Moment of the Week: Well, since I haven't posted any sort of update in a while, I've got several weeks to cover.

Best moments lately:

• Feeling better overall
• Feeling baby move (definitively around 17 week)
• Having Jeromy, Linnea, and my mother-in-law feel baby move shortly after
• Finding out baby's gender (more on that in a bit)
• Ultrasounds - the big one during week 20...one this week as follow-up because they couldn't get all the measurements they needed (my mom got to come to that one)

Movement: As mentioned above - yes! And a lot earlier and stronger than I felt with Linnea. If I recall correctly, it wasn't until around week 20 or so with Linnea that I for sure felt movement. And probably another 4-5 weeks after that before Jeromy felt her.

This time around, I was pretty sure I was feeling the baby around week 16 or 17...and definitively around the 17 or 18 week mark. This baby is SUPER SUPER active.

During our routine heartbeat checks, the doppler picks up LOTS of movement. Both my doctor and nurse practitioner- as well as the ultrasound techs have mentioned how active the baby is.

I was SHOCKED to find out that the placenta is anterior (in front), which usually means movements can be dampened a bit. I seriously can't IMAGINE how crazy the movement would be otherwise. It'll be interesting as the baby gets stronger...it's going to be crazy.

Food Craving: It's been more aversions for most of the pregnancy, although some cravings have snuck in. Earlier on, cravings were all things sweet and fruity...gummy candies, Skittles, Froot Loops. Crazy sugar overload!

Lately, the cravings have been a bit more random...but still generally in the "sweet" category. Rice Krispie bars, ice cream, milkshakes.

Bagels are also something I've been eating a lot - not necessarily craving, but really enjoying. Jeromy was joking with me yesterday that the baby is going to come out circular, with a little hole in the middle. Hopefully that's not the case! But man, this baby does like bagels! (There are worse things, right?)

Food Aversions: Oh man, yes. It's gotten a lot better, but this was the reality for the first 20 weeks for sure! Like my pregnancy with Linnea, the biggest aversion is meat. I basically become a vegetarian for the first half of my pregnancy. Chicken is usually the first meat that I can eat again. Beef is the last. I'm happy to say that I'm back to eating beef!

Smells are also bad. At the worst, I would have to hide upstairs after work while Jeromy cooked dinner or him and Linnea, with my nose covered by my blanket or shirt.

Let's be honest, I was so sick for the first bit of this pregnancy, that I had aversions to everything but bagels, cereal, saltines, and...that's about it. I'm so glad to be eating regularly now!

Morning Sickness: I joke that whoever made up the name "morning sickness" was likely someone who has never been pregnant. I get "all day sickness." It was all day, every day. Worse in the morning, and at night...but also bad if I got too hungry, or got a whiff of a strong smell. We had a couple really rough months. I'm so thankful to have it behind me!

Gender: We had our big ultrasound at the end of February, which confirmed that we are having another baby girl! I'm excited that Linnea gets a little sister.

Symptoms: In addition to the nausea, I've been very very tired. It's getting better, as with the nausea, but I need to be a little careful to not overdo it. I've had some ligament pain and back aches, which seems really early, but I've heard that's normal when it's not your first pregnancy.

What I miss: Lately, I've really been missing running. I know a lot of women run through their pregnancy, but I just am not comfortable running...it doesn't feel good, and just becomes frustrating. That mostly it. I guess I miss feeling 100%. I'm feeling so much better overall, but just not quite myself. I tire easier, and physically am not quite where I usually am. But other than that, I'm just thankful to be feeling well overall!

What I'm looking forward to: Continued nice weather so I can be active again! Continuing to feel better and more like myself.

I leave you with some bump shots...

About 18 weeks.

20 weeks... (half baked)

Five on Friday (Baby #2 Edition)

As I said in my previous post, after an up and down year in the world of pregnancy and loss, Baby #2 is on its way. It's been a nerve wracking experience this time... just waiting for something to go wrong (that just sounds awful, but it's true). But each milestone, ultrasound, and successful appointment helps us breath a little easier, and start to be more excited than nervous.

Since I haven't posted here lately, I thought I'd devote this Five on Friday post to catch-up on Baby #2/the common questions people seem to want to know...

**ONE**
How far along are you/when are you due?
As of Sunday, I will be 16 weeks - so early in the 2nd trimester. Our official due date is July 12th (interesting factoid - my due dates have all been on the 12th of the month. Linnea was due August 12th (born on the 13th). The baby we lost was due on December 12th. This baby is due on July 12th). How's that for consistency??

**TWO**
When did you find out?
This part of the story makes me smile, and will always serve as a reminder for me to hold on to hope in what feels like hopeless situations. For those of you who have gone through pregnancy loss and/or waiting a long time to get pregnant, you will understand that you get to the point where your monthly cycle, timing of everything, and waiting game is just excruciating. (I fully acknowledge that my waiting game is NOTHING compared to others...but I fully believe that each person is on their own journey and has their own experience. I don't mean to offend).

I had definitely gotten to that excruciating point. The months were just a ongoing cycle of having my period, waiting for the right time, hoping we timed things right, and then waiting. I became obsessed with dates and timing and all of that.

I was so sick of waiting and then being disappointed. I got my hopes up every month, sometimes even being late for almost a week, and then being let down. I was so over it.

I also had a dream about taking a pregnancy test. No a whole lot of details that I remember...but there was definitely a pregnancy test involved. So on Halloween morning I woke up and decided I was just going to take a test. It was almost a week and a half before I would usually even test. I didn't tell Jeromy. I just took it. We had a fun weekend planned and I decided that I'd rather just know, and not be disappointed and sad in the midst of our weekend.

So I did my business, and then putzed on my phone a bit before I hopped in the shower, not even worrying about 3 minute wait, since I assumed it'd be negative. I glanced at the test as I got in the shower. "Positive" it read. And we're taking a digital test...so no trying to decipher the pink lines. Holy crap. A wave of excitement and fear came over me. Don't get your hopes up. Don't get your hopes up...but how can you not? It's positive. But what if it happens again?

I took a shower, mind completely racing.

When I got out of the shower Jeromy was just getting up and coming downstairs. All I could manage to do was hold out the test and say, "So, this happened..." He got a huge smile on his face and gave me a big hug. I love this man. He's always so chill, "in the moment," and "take each thing in stride," that fear wasn't even an emotion he was experiencing in that moment. He was just excited.

Over the next couple weeks I took several more tests. I had started getting the digital ones that predict how many weeks along you are, which helped to boost my confidence and make me feel more reassured, because I'd see the number of weeks along go up. We also got to see the doctor early this time (in the 6th week) to confirm everything looked good. It was nice not to have to wait so long.

As I said before, each test, each ultrasound, each little milestone helps to feel more reassured. I think I will be a bit more on edge this time around because of what we've been through, but I suppose that's to be expected.

**THREE**
How have you been feeling?
I'm not going to lie. It's been rough. This pregnancy has been very similar to the early parts of my pregnancy with Linnea. Around week 7 the symptoms started - bad nausea (though no vomiting, thankfully), extreme lack of appetite, and terrible fatigue. Similar to Linnea, I've finally started to get some relief within the last couple weeks.

This time around, I did resort to medication. It's hard to know if it got to that point because it was that much worse, or because it was harder to deal with due to having to mama to a 3-year-old as well. For a couple months I literally could not make it through my work day without a nap over my lunch break. I left work/took PTO a couple times because I was too sick to be productive in my job. Although I prayed for months to be pregnant again, I'd be lying if I said that all of it was totally welcomed and easy. I don't know. It's an odd mix of emotion.

Anyways, in terms of medication, I started first with a mix of unisom and B6 vitamins (which apparently is a fairly well known over the counter remedy for morning sickness). That worked really well for a few weeks (as in I could survive the day, and actually eat a bit more than saltines or dry cereal), and then suddenly didn't (not sure if I build up some sort of immunity or if the symptoms themselves got that much worse). Either way, at that point I resorted to Zofran, which is a commonly prescribed medication for morning sickness (more traditionally used for patients with cancer, but found to provide relief in these circumstances as well). I've been taking all three for the last couple weeks, and am feeling better.

Again, it's hard to know if the little bit of relief I started to feel was because of the medicine, or because I was starting to lose symptoms. If this pregnancy is true to mine with Linnea it will be until about 18 weeks before I fully am back to myself - appetite-wise, energy wise, etc.

I would say I'm about 70%-80% most days. I'm not needing a nap in the same way that I have. While I can tell my appetite is still limited, it is starting to come back. I (knock on wood) have not had the really bad waves of nausea in a couple weeks. I'm getting a bit more energy back so that I do more than work and sleep.

My dear husband has been a saint. I know it's not easy for him. He's had to shoulder most of the Linnea care, all of the cooking, and most of the house work. Not only that, but it's a bit like he's lost his wife as well - at my worst I would go straight to bed when I got home, and only resurface to put Linnea to bed (if that). I know it's been hard, and I'm so thankful for how well he's managed to hold things together. Wasn't always pretty, but we made it.

**FOUR**
What's Linnea's reaction been?
Seeing the pregnancy through Linnea's eyes, and watching her take on the role of big sister is something I've been REALLY excited about.

Before we told her about the baby, it was really hard. She didn't understand why I was eating, playing, or why I had to spend so much time on the couch or in bed. I know it worried her, but also probably just plain annoyed her.

We finally broke the news when I was around 11 weeks, which is earlier than I had planned (mostly because she's so talkative that I didn't trust her to keep the secret). Jeromy suggested we just tell her on one night when I was feeling cruddy (because she was so worried about me).

She seemed to at least sort of understand. She giggled with excitement, and asked some questions. I don't know if she REALLY understands the full extent of what's going on, but she does know mama has a baby in her belly and that she is going to be a big sister.

One really funny thing since we told her is that she has been convinced that she has a baby in her tummy too. It's a girl baby, and her name is Laura. She's even gone as far as telling me that I can have a boy baby (even though if you ask her if she wants a brother or sister she'll always answer sister) because she is having a girl baby. Fairly regularly she'll talk about Laura. Too funny.

Another thing that's been making me laugh... as I've started to show a little bit, Linnea will regularly greet me with, "Whoa, Mama! Look how big your baby has gotten." Oh honey, you have no idea! Just you wait.

She's been very sweet though. She asks to talk to the baby, and see the baby. She seems genuinely excited about the baby. I'm so excited to watch her become a big sister.

**FIVE**
Pregnancy after miscarriage?
So admittedly, not really a question that people ask, but something I think people wonder about, and something that's played a big part in the experience this time around.

As I mentioned a bit above, it's been such a nerve wracking experience. With the first two pregnancies, I never assumed anything would go wrong. Sure, you always worry. You wonder if everything is okay. But you don't really think that it's not going to end well.

This time around it's been really different. The first several weeks I was more nervous than excited. I went to the doctor fairly regularly, just to make sure the baby was still doing okay. And I think if I'm honest with myself, each time part of me assumed that I would find out I miscarried again.

It's been just recently that the bulk of that worry has subsided. Now that the news is out, and that I'm in the second trimester, excitement is starting to take over.

I really can't fully explain the mix and mess of emotions. I've thought a lot about this. After I miscarried, I hated seeing anything pregnancy related. Any announcements on Facebook, conversation in passing, even seeing people pregnant. It felt (completely irrationally, I might add) like the world was mocking me. I vowed at that time that I would not complain at all about anything pregnancy related, I would cut way back on posting anything about my pregnancy, etc.

But then I got pregnant again. And started to let myself get excited. And I wanted to talk to people about it. I wanted to post a cute Facebook announcement. I wanted to reach out on social media to get advice about my pregnancy woes. Because that's what I was living. And I was - am - excited.

I hate knowing the other side of it. I hate knowing that my posts (including this one probably) make people mad, sad, or otherwise. I hate the self-loathing that sneaks up on me when I feel I posted too much..or maybe worded something poorly.

It's a hard road to navigate, friends. I'm not sure I have much more to say that will truly express the mix and mess of emotions.

Happy Friday, everyone! Thank you for reading.

Why I've been MIA...

So I've sucked with a capital S at blogging as of late. I've tried to keep at it, but I just haven't had the energy or capacity to do it (or at least do it well).

Those of you who follow me on Facebook and/or Instagram know the main reason why this has been the case, but in case there's anyone reading who doesn't (which is doubtful, because I think I have like 5 readers, but whatevs)...

Yup. After a very bumpy road this year in terms of pregnancy and loss, I am pregnant again. This time around has been very different...lots of different emotions being pregnant after miscarriage. But things are going well, and looking good.

Lots more on this to come, I'm sure...

Weekend Recap (x2)

I'm a bit behind, so I decided to cram two weekend recaps into one post. Ready? Here we go!!

How is it already November?! This time I've year I always feel a little torn. I really love the traditions and fun of the holiday season, but I really love fall (and could do without such painfully long and frigid winters). So we're soaking up as much fall fun as we can - the weather has certainly been in our favor as of late.

Two Fridays ago we joined our friends Melissa, Thatcher, and kiddos Azalea and Ashford at the Southwest Community Ed. Halloween Party. Melissa and Thatcher met working for Minneapolis Community Ed., and it's been a staple for them ever since. Thankfully, they were cool with us tagging along!

Linnea was thrilled to be able to be Anna for the night...and equally excited that her pal Azalea was dressed up like Elsa. She kept telling me, "Mama, we're like sisters!" Too cute.


Linnea and Luther before the party...I wish I would have put the reindeer antlers we have on Luther so that he could be Sven. Ha!

Anna and Elsa - aka Linnea and Azalea

Inside the party...before it got busy. Soon after I took this picture, it got PACKED!

The party was really fun. There were lots of fun kiddie games - bowling, a fishing game, a spin the wheel game. The highlight for both girls was the bouncy house - lots of turns were taken in there. Both girls also got their faces painted. I love fun community parties like this!

Face Painting

Fishing Game

They had a raffle drawing as part of the party. After Thatcher won a prize almost immediately, I decided to give it a try. So I put my name on one ticket, and Linnea's on another (just to be fun). No and behold, Linnea's name got drawn! Turns out that if an adult's name gets drawn, they won almost gift cards (sometimes multiple gift cards), but it a kid gets their name drawn, they get little toys. DOH! I know it shouldn't be a big deal, but I was bummed. It helped that Linnea was excited about her new Curious George stuffed animal, play doh, and little toy bugs, but man, a gift card (or two or three) would have been nice!

After almost two hours at the party, it was clearly time to go. Both girls were starting to meltdown (not winning cookies at the cookie walk did them both in). So we called it a night. We all had a wonderful time, and hope to make it an annual tradition. Thanks again, Imbodens!

Me and Linnea after the party

Two Saturdays ago, we met up at the apple orchard with the "Kensington Boys" and their families. The Kensington Boys are the guys that Jeromy lived with after college (before we got married). They are all friends from Luther, and still are some of Jeromy's (and my) best friends. Their wives (mostly Luther people too) and their kiddos are equally awesome, and we all have a really good time together. Unfortunately we were without two of the wives - Christy and Annie - because of other commitments, but the rest of the crew was there to have fun!

We almost had the orchard to ourselves, because it was their last weekend open. The apples were pretty picked over, but we still managed to find some good ones!

Aaron and Josiah

Linnea and Amelia enjoying the tire swing

Gavin and Linnea checking out the chickens

Ian and Linnea driving one of the tractors

Sweeties...

Amelia and Linnea on the tractor...

Happy girl...

Time for a tractor ride!

Linnea and her apple haul

Jackie getting in some baby snuggles with Josiah

All the kiddos! Pretty darn cute if I do say so myself!

The boys. Such good buddies. They make me smile!

I love this one of Linnea and Amelia!!

Riding tractors...

Josiah on the tractor

And of course, Linnea had to check out the swing...

Wow! That was a lot of pictures to say. Needless to say, we had a great time. After the orchard, most of the group went to Chik-Fil-A for lunch, and then headed home for nap.

By the time we got home, it was a little past nap time, so Linnea ended up sleeping longer than usual. This ended up being a BIG bummer, because we had planned to go to a big "Halloween Hoopla" geocaching event. Per our plan, Jeromy went after lunch, and I stayed home with Linnea. I waited. And waited. And waited. It wasn't until a little after 4:00 that she woke up. The event went until 5:00. And was about 30 minutes away. We tried desperately to make it, but it just wasn't in the cards. I was really, really bummed. Jeromy had a pretty good time, and I'm glad he was able to go. I was just hoping that Linnea and I would be able to join him as planned.

Thankfully, the afternoon wasn't a total loss. Since we were up close to where my cousin and his family live, we stopped there for dinner. Unfortunately, my cousin was working, but we had a fun evening with his wife Sarah and their three girls. We cooked hot dogs over a fire outside, the girls had fun playing, and the grown-ups had a nice time catching up.

Two Sundays ago we went to church. Linnea did well at Sunday school. After church we ran a couple errands, and then went home for lunch and naps.

When Linnea got up from her nap we had some time to kill before our evening plans, so we decided to carve the pumpkin we got from the pumpkin train the weekend before. We hadn't carved pumpkins with Linnea before, so I wasn't quite sure how it would go. But it went well! Linnea helped draw the face. She wasn't too interested in scooping out "the guts," but loved watching the eyes "pop out" when we carved them.

A before picture...

Ready to carve!

"Goop scooping," as we called it...

All done!

Funny faces...

After pumpkin carving, we went over to our friend's Kirstyn and Dave's house for a WOWZA/MANZA dinner. As I've said, the WOWZAs are my dearest friends. Most of us are local to the Twin Cities, but we have a few out of towners. One of those WOWZAs, Bethany, was up from Iowa for a short visit with her two daughters.

We had a really fun night. It was fun to see the girls, and watch them interact. Cecelia (who is just a few months younger than Linnea) and Linnea played pretty well together, and Linnea LOVED playing with baby Marielle. It was good to see everyone, especially Bethany since our visits are less frequent.

Cecelia and Linnea coloring...

Linnea and Marielle

 So sweet!

So that's a wrap on weekend #1 of the recap! Whew! That was a lot...and even more pictures. Are you still with me? Good! Here's weekend #2 of the recap!

This past Friday was Halloween! We had such a fun time.

For the second year in a row, we decided to spend the evening in Eden Prairie. I took off a couple hours, and took the bus to Eden Prairie. Jeromy picked me up, and then we picked up Linnea at Magna's (usually she'd be at my parents' house, but we switched days that week so that Linnea could be at Magna's for the Halloween party). Linnea had had a great day - lots of fun with her little buddies.

After picking Linnea up, we made a pit stop at my mom and dad's. We made a few stops at some of my parents' friends house, and took a few pictures before we were on our way.

My parents and Linnea

For the second year in a row, we went trick-or-treating with our friends Tom and Jackie, and their son Gavin. We enjoyed a quick dinner together before getting ready to head out.

Before...

And after!

Despite the chilly weather, we had a great time! The kiddos did a good job taking turns ringing the doorbell, and a pretty good job remembering "their lines" - Trick or Treat! and Thank You!

We had hot chocolate, and a little more play time after trick or treating..

Cheers to a fun night!

After that we headed home, and went to bed - what a fun night!

This past Saturday we had the power company coming out some time between 8 and 10. We have a tree that's been growing between our garage and our neighbor's garage, and it was starting to get in the power lines, which made us nervous.

The plan was for them to come, disconnect the power, then we'd cut the tree down, and they would come back and hook up the power again. I was a little nervous...thinking that if they didn't come out until 10 it might be a crunch to finish everything in time for the wedding we had in the afternoon. Thankfully, it was a much easier process than anticipated! The guy came about 8:45. When I told him, he (without any hesitation) said, "We don't need to cut the power for that! I can take that tree down myself faster than it would take me to disconnect the power!" Sure enough, he got up on the garage with his chainsaw and within 5 minutes or so most of the tree was down and he was on his way! What a blessing! We had been so worried about a time crunch, and we ended up with the morning to ourselves!

We did do a little work in the yard - cleaning up and organizing the brush a bit, but it wasn't a big deal. It was actually nice...the weather was brisk but nice, and we enjoyed spending the time together. Linnea was a good helper.

Me and Linnea, doing yard work in our pajamas and winter coats!

After that, we had time to do a big of shopping (Jeromy was in need of some new clothes), and grab lunch at Panera. As we were on our way home, Linnea crashed and ended up falling asleep for the last 2 minutes of the ride. Somehow, she then thought that nap time was done. Not so, little one! It took her a LONG time to fall asleep. She wasn't crying...just not sleeping. This was not a good day for this to happen, since we had a wedding to go to that started at 4:00 about 35 minutes away. She finally crashed at about 2:40. I woke her up a little after 3:00...or at least tried to. I'm pretty sure she was still half asleep the entire time I was wrestling her in to her outfit. Uff. We got on the road and managed to get to the church JUST in time.

The wedding was short and sweet. The bride, Kate, is my godsister (her mom is my godmother, and my mom is her godmother), and I've known her her entire life. It was awesome to see her so happy and in love.

After the wedding we headed to the reception. It's was the first wedding reception Linnea was invited to that she was actually old enough to go to and enjoy.

 Ummm...guys...when did she become a teenager??

A highlight was that they had a photo booth at the wedding. Oh my, was that fun. Here's a little peek at Linnea's ensemble. Ha ha ha!

Unfortunately, the dinner got a bit delayed, so it got much later than we hoped. We managed to make it through dinner and about 2 songs of the dance before we had to head home. Linnea got a little loopy, but she did okay. It was super cute because I'm pretty sure she was convinced that Kate was a princess. She was absolutely enamored. She would run over and asked if her dress twirled, if she would dance with her, etc. etc.

I really wish we could have stayed longer because girlfriend TORE UP the dance floor. She spinned. And spinned. And spinned. So cute.

We made it home and promptly crashed. It was quite awesome the way that it worked out because Linnea was so wiped she slept until 7:30, even with the time change. WIN!!!

Sunday morning we got up and ready for church. Linnea did AWESOME at Sunday school. We both dropped her off, and she went right in without turning back. Woo hoo! After church we made a quick stop at Costco, and then went home for lunch/nap.

While Linnea napped, I met up with my dear friend Jackie. We had coffee, and then went for a nice walk. We have been friends for half our lives! What a blessing. I treasure those moments and conversations.

After I got home we hung around the house, ran another errand or two, and it was off to bed to face another week.

Whew! Did you make it? That was a much longer post than intended. Man, we had a really good last couple weekends!! I hope you are having a great week, friends!