A Day in the Life

I have always enjoyed reading these types of posts. Perhaps that means I'm nosy? I hope not...I've just always liked learning and understanding other people's experiences. It's interesting to step outside of what's familiar to me, and look through a different lens.

I wanted to write "A Day in the Life" post of my own for couple reasons...mostly personal. I'm 8 months in to being a working mama of two kids (when is that going to stop feeling weird to say that?). Admittedly, our days feel crazy more often than not...and yet it feels like I never manage to get anything "done." Hopefully that juxtaposition makes sense...lots of day to day activity...but nothing that feels productive. I know I do more in a day than I give myself credit for, and that most days working full-time, being a mama, wife, and managing to keep the house somewhat put together is probably "enough."

Additionally, I know that I will look back on these days some time in the not so distant future, and the craziness will be a distant memory. I want to be able to remember what these days are like - the good, the bad, and everything in between.

When choosing a day to "track," I wanted to pick the most "typical" day I could. That meant weekends were out, as well as Wednesdays (I work a later shift those days). It also meant Thursdays were out, since we currently have swimming lessons for Linnea after work. Fridays are always a little easier in the evenings, since we don't have to prep for another work day. Mondays are always a little rough as we get back into the swing of the week. Which left us with....Tuesday (yesterday).

So without further ado, here's my day...

4:22 AM
My day technically started at 4:22 AM when Britta woke up crying. Yes, I know my clock says 4:36. I set my clock ahead, to make it seem later than it really is. The intent is to help motivate me to get my butt out of bed...but now I just adjust the time in my head, and figure I have more time, so it's kind of pointless.

Anyways...I wake up and am actually pleased. Britta was up about the time I was headed to bed last night, but slept soundly through the night until now (which is good for her). I count it as a win.

I lay in bed for a while, seeing if she'll quiet down and settle back to sleep...

4:34 AM
After waiting her out for 10 minutes, Britta's still crying, so I figure it's legit. I make my way downstairs (we live in a story and a half - our bedroom is the 1/2 story and the girls are on the main level) and into her room, hoping not to wake Linnea (she sleeps pretty soundly, thankfully).

4:53 AM

I'm done feeding Britta, and she's settled back into bed. I wander into the kitchen to check quick on the dishwasher. It's ancient, and has started to not drain after the rinse cycle. We end up running it several times in a row to get it to drain (which is does eventually), while the dirty dishes pile up on the counter. Super annoying. I curse under my breath when I see it hasn't drained. I start it again.

At this point I wonder if this is when I "should be" running. I've been a runner since high school, but just haven't been able to make it part of my schedule since Britta was born. But right now sleep wins out. So back to bed I go, in hopes of getting a few more minutes of shut eye before the day really gets going.



6:00 AM

After laying awake for a bit listening to my snoring dog and snoring husband, I did manage to fall asleep for a bit...but then I slept through my alarm, and kept hitting snooze! Doh! Jeromy woke me up, asking if I was okay. Yup, I'm okay. Just tired. I head down to the bathroom to get into the shower. I'm not really a morning person. I don't like to be up early, and I don't like having to be rushed in the morning...I have to do both right now. So this is my "fake it 'til you make it" smile...

6:13 AM

I'm out of the shower. Jeromy has gotten Britta up, and is working on waking up Linnea. Linnea is not a morning person either, so we have to proceed cautiously. We joke that Britta is our "therapy baby" - if we bring her into Linnea's room to wake her up, it goes much better. Here was the scene I came in to...



Luther (our chocolate lab) is underfoot, as it's Linnea's job to feed him. He's ready for her to get up too!

6:19 AM

After some sister snuggles, I tell Linnea to get up and get dressed, and take Britta back in her room to get dressed. It's nice that she was up in the 4:00 hour because then I don't need to worry about feeding her again. It buys us a bit more time.

6:22 AM

Linnea's up and dressed, and much more bright-eyed and bushy tailed. She comes in to greet Britta again before heading to the kitchen to feed Luther.

6:27 AM

Both girls are dressed and happy (woot!). They hang out in the kitchen while I get stuff ready for the day. Linnea is hungry (she always has a "snack" before heading to daycare - where she'll have breakfast), so I make her a waffle (read: heat up a frozen waffle in the toaster).

Linnea didn't want her picture taken at first, but was willing to do silly faces with me...

6:30 AM

Jeromy's out of the shower, dressed, and getting his stuff together. The girls keep each other entertained while I pack everything up - fresh milk (pumped yesterday at work) and clean bottles to send to daycare for Britta, and my pump to bring to work (so she has fresh milk the next day!)

6:42 AM

The girls and all their stuff are packed into Jeromy's car, ready to go. Since we have a detached garage I always help Jeromy get everything into the car so he doesn't have try to carry it all. This is still one of the saddest parts of my day. I know the girls are happy and thriving at daycare/preschool, and that this arrangement is what works best for my family, but I still miss them all a lot during the day. I give last kisses, and I love yous, and they are off. I stand by the back gate and wave goodbye (I do this even in the dead of winter) until the car drives away. I head back to the house - now it's time to get me ready!

6:51 AM

I'm back in the house, and after packing up the rest of my stuff for the day it's time to make myself presentable. I'm thankful in this moment that I'm not a makeup wearer. I would never be ready on time! It's a quick dry and go, and throw on clothes routine for me!

(This is super picture heavy already...I had a lot of fun taking pictures. I love pictures!)

7:20 AM

And I'm off! Hair dry, dressed, and I have all my stuff (purse, lunch, pump, and a book). This post was a good excuse to try out my new selfie stick! I don't know why people dog on them so much. It's like a tripod/timer for your cell phone. Awesome! (The look on my face tells you I'm still sort of getting the hang of using it.)

7:25 AM

I commute to work via light rail train, which I love. We live really close to the light rail, but not quite close enough to walk. It's a short drive to the station. On the way my current guilty pleasure song (Flo Rida's "Welcome to My House") comes on. I do a quick dance party at the stoplight (This is meant to document real life, after all, right? This is total real life for me. I'm a major car dancer.)

7:31 AM

I'm parked at walking to the station (a few blocks). I'm happy to have three possible trains to catch - one gets me to work early, one gets me there right on time, and one gets me there just a little late. I'm on track to catch the one that gets me there right on time - works for me!

7:33 AM

I know exactly when I need leave my house to catch each train. I hate having to wait too long, because it just feels like wasted time. I get to the platform just in time - the train is just pulling up!

7:34 AM

Settled on the train. I love commuting this way because it's low stress. I listen to the radio, check social media, or just take a few moments to relax.

7:52 AM

I'm off the train, and walking in to my building downtown. Isn't it pretty?

8:00 AM

Tada! Right on time! It took me 8 minutes to get into the building, ride up to 10th floor, and get to my desk and logged on for the day. I enjoyed chatting with a few colleagues as I came in. I'm really thankful to work with awesome people. I love my co-workers, and it's fun to catch up as I make my way in.



I open my e-mail, and do a little triage for my day. I'm an Academic Coach, working to advise students in the first year of their Psychology or Criminal Justice undergraduate degree. I've been at my job for 6 years as of last week, and I genuinely love it.

8:28 AM

Now that I've done a bit of settling in, e-mailing, etc. it's time for breakfast. This is one of my go-to's - waffles with peanut butter. I'm sure I could be healthier, but it's easy in a pinch, and I suppose I could do a lot worse. I'm not a coffee person, but I do have a similar vice. The drink pictured is Strawberry Crystal Light. It's delicious and caffeinated, and my version of my morning coffee.

8:43 AM

I'm full and caffeinated, so it's time to make some calls! Because I work at an online university, most of my work is done over the phone and via e-mail. At full capacity, I support around 400-500 students at any given time. I'm working back up to capacity after being on maternity leave, so I'm probably around 250-300 currently. Either way, lots of people to check in on and support! Better get calling!



9:24 AM

Pump break #1. I'm thankful there are clean, private rooms available for me to pump in, but it's frustrating to have to stop working to do it -especially when I'm in a good flow. I try to make the most of it by watching Netflix (although now I'm all done with Parks and Rec, Parenthood, and Fuller House), catch up on social media, or just relax.

I'm in therapy right now for PTSD/anxiety issues stemming from my sister's illness and death (a post for another day, I suppose). My therapist and I have talked about working on mindfulness, so I've actually started using a daily app to work on mindfulness/meditation. I listen to a session while I pump. How's THAT for multi-tasking?

10:19 AM

I'm back to my desk (have been for awhile), and am enjoying a unusually quiet day. I work a lot by phone appointment, and I don't have any today! I was scheduled to have a meeting during this time, but it got rescheduled last minute, so I'm using the time to think through a couple of projects I'm taking on. I'm really happy to have the time to process through everything. It feels so good to have my ducks in a row.

11:30 AM

I have a 1:1 meeting with my supervisor. We spend most of the time talking about submitting an application to start working from home. This hasn't ever been an option in my position before, but they started offering it while I was on maternity leave. I've been working towards it for the last few months. It was a really encouraging meeting - for the first time it feels like it's not a matter of if, but when. I'm so excited about this possibility. Again, probably a post for another day...

12:43 PM 

Back to my desk after my 1:1 and heating up lunch. I'm having leftovers from the previous night - a steak penne dish that is one of my favorite meals that Jeromy makes. It's not as good reheated, but still tasty. I eat my pasta - and apple - while I catch up on e-mails from when I was away from my desk, and do a few other things I can do while I eat.

Is anyone still reading? Gold star if you are! I'm realizing how long winded I'm being...

1:09 PM
I'm flying downstairs to another floor to find a "wellness room" available for pumping session #2 of the day. I'm late and tried to reschedule, but there weren't any rooms available for a while. I don't know what my face was doing...this is my frazzled look. Again, it feels hard to pull myself away from my work flow (even though I love being able to provide for Britta in this way!)

1:55 PM
I've been back to my desk for a while getting back into my groove. I enjoy some dark chocolate M&Ms I have stashed in my desk. Mmmm....chocolate. I have such a weakness.

3:25 PM
Yup, I'm still here! There's nothing exciting to take pictures of, I've been making calls, helping students, scheduling appointments, and sending e-mails. This is a hard time of day for me...I start feeling tired, and my motivation dips a bit...but I'm pushing through!

4:09 PM
One last pumping session for the day...thinking about my babies...so ready to head home!

4:45 PM
After finishing my last pumping session, and wrapping up my work for the day it's time to head HOME! I log out, noting that I'll be back in the office tomorrow at 11:00 AM (I work late on Wednesdays and don't start until 11:00. I'm looking forward to a slightly more laid back morning tomorrow.)

4:52 PM
I'm two for two in terms of catching trains today. I arrive to the platform just in time to catch my train home!

4:53 PM
I'm settled in, and starting a new book. I feel cool by association because I know the author personally. One of my best friends used to be her nanny, so I've been to her house, and have hung out with her and her family. I read the first chapter while reminiscing about fun times with my friends. (I like that I caught City Hall in the background. It's one my favorite buildings downtown. It reminds me of Hogwarts.)

5:15 PM
Off the train, back to my car, and needing to stop for gas for my car, Large Marge, so I can do my crazy Minneapolis - Eden Prairie - Minneapolis commute tomorrow. I suppose that means nothing to anyone who's not local. Long story short - I drive all over the place on Wednesdays in order to take advantage of time with my girls, and to be able to get to be the one who drops them off at daycare/preschool, since I don't get to do it otherwise.

5:28 PM
I get home, and my family isn't home yet (usually they are, or we're coming home at the same time). Jeromy calls as I'm walking in to the house. They are running a little late, and he needs me to start dinner. We joke that at our house it's either soup season or BBQ season. It's nice today, and snow is coming tomorrow, so we're grilling! He needs me to take out brats and get them soaking in beer. I steal a sip of beer and laugh taking the next two pictures...

One for me...

And one for my homies...

I am super productive for a few minutes while I wait for Jeromy and the girls to get home. I run around like crazy, trying to take full advantage of the time alone. I start the dishwasher again (arg!), wash some dishes by hand, pick up a bit, and watch out the window until Jeromy pulls up front (he's dropping the girls off because he needs to stop at the grocery store of a few things for dinner).

5:34 PM
My family's home! Yay! I run outside and am greeted by a very bewildered Britta, who fell asleep on the way home and I unintentionally startled awake.

5:37 PM

Jeromy's at the store, and I'm playing with the girls. On my way home I had hoped to get outside for a walk, but with dinner on the stove, I can't venture too far. Instead, the girls do their favorite activities - Britta plays her toy piano, Linnea reads a Star Wars book (Daddy is so proud).

5:46 PM

We've had a new box of Usborne books in our closet for a super long time, and hadn't given them to Linnea yet. Jeromy and I finally had time to go through them the night before to decide which ones were for her Easter basket, which ones we wanted to save for our trip this summer, etc., so I decided it was a great time to give her some of the others. She LOVES books, so she was super excited to check them all out.

 5:47 PM
Britta is still happy at her piano. Gah! This girl. Such a sweetie.

5:55 PM
Linnea's delighting in reading her new books, and since Britta is getting a little squirmy I pull her over to check them out too. I read one, and then Linnea "reads" one to Britta. So sweet.

6:03 PM
Jeromy's home and working on dinner. Britta starts to get fussy. This is not her best time - a little hungry, a little tired. Not anything a little snack can't fix...I nurse Britta for a bit while I read Linnea one of her new books.

6:29 PM 
Dinner is served! Grilled brats, pears, and some pasta salad...yum! Dinner together as a family is something we do every night. It's always a little crazy, but it's so important for us. Look! We got all of us in the picture (Selfie stick win! Jeromy is the one who suggested using it! Double win!).

6:32 PM
Jeromy and I take turns trying to get Britta to eat her green beans in between eating our dinner. She's getting better at solids, but she is still pretty finicky.

6:42 PM
We've given up on getting Britta to eat her beans, so she's moved to her jumper. She LOVES it, and even when she's getting cranky, she'll happily bounce for a few minutes. This also allows me to finish my dinner before I have to get her down for the night.

6:55 PM 
Linnea's done with her dinner, and plays with Britta for a couple minutes while Jeromy and I finish up. I love hearing the two of them giggle together.

6:58 PM
Now the jumper isn't even keeping Britta happy, so I know it's time for bed. I take her into her room to change her for the night. She still has some sweet smiles for me. She is such a grabber - she reaches for anything she can. One of her favorites on the changing table is the wipes container. Ooo, crinkly, says Britta!

I get Britta into her pajamas and sleep sack, and take her out to the living room to say goodnight.

7:14 PM
Britta is sleepily nursing, and I'm listening to the sounds of Jeromy and Linnea reading Star Wars coming from the living room. Jeromy is loving passing on his love of Star Wars to Linnea. They practice pronouncing the characters names.

7:25 PM
Britta's switched to the other side, and is slowing down tremendously. I have a bad habit of putzing on my phone during this time. I put down my phone, and just spend time soaking her in. I love how she runs her hands across my chest and face, watching her fall asleep, and feeling the weight of her falling asleep in my arms. I want to remember every bit of this - it's going to be over too soon (both tonight and overall).

7:33 PM
Britta's totally out. I hate that I feel guilty lingering in her room. I want to spend time with Linnea too, and there's not much time before her bedtime - I hear Jeromy telling her to put her pajamas on. I kiss Britta, lay her down in her crib, and sneak out quietly.

7:47 PM
Linnea's ready for bed. Jeromy has read her stories and brushed her teeth, and now I get some great one on one, snuggle time. We sing songs together, and my cheeks start to hurt because I'm smiling so much. I love this girl so much. We talk about our "peaks and pits" (best and worst parts of our days), giggle, and talk about the next day. I try and soak up every minute.

8:17 PM
I tucked Linnea in a little while ago, and am working on cleaning up the kitchen. In our house Jeromy cooks, and I do the dishes. A good arrangement, if you ask me! I love listening to Linnea read in bed while I clean.

8:20 PM
I do some more dishes by hand, and then finally outsmart the dishwasher and just stop it before it does the rinse cycle, so it's drained properly. I set it to dry, wishing I would have done that several cycles ago.

8:38 PM 
After doing a bit more pick up in the kitchen, I wander down to the basement and suggest that Jeromy and I watch Modern Family, which is on the DVR from last week. We have very few shows we like to watch together, but this is one we both really enjoy. I make him take a picture with me, and he's willing to cooperate.

9:19 PM
Modern Family is done. Both girls are quietly sleeping. And the dishes are dry! Rejoice. I empty the dishwasher, and then fill it with the dishes that I haven't washed by hand yet.

9:31 PM 
I suddenly remember that there's a form we're supposed to fill out for Linnea's preschool conference tomorrow. Kindergarten readiness...say WHAT??! I bring the form downstairs to fill out with Jeromy.

9:48 PM
I'm prepping milk for Britta's daycare bottles - 5 oz. in each so it's ready for our daycare provider to prepare tomorrow. I bag and freeze the extra. I'm really happy to have had extra - we have really good friends who adopted around the same time that Britta was born, so all the extra goes to them for their little guy.

9:57 PM
Time to wash pump parts. Ugh. Such a pain, but again...it's all part of the process.

I'll be home for breakfast tomorrow, and lunch is provided by work tomorrow, so I don't have to prepare any meals for the next day. Usually I pack my breakfast and lunch the night before so it's ready to go in the morning. Small win to not have to do that tonight.

9:59 PM 
Old Man Luther says it's time for bed by standing at the door upstairs, waiting for us to let him up.

10:01 PM
I brush my teeth and use the bathroom, then head up for bed.

10:10 PM
I take a few minutes to write in my journal (I'm starting my third year of a five year daily journal. It's perfect for me because you just write a couple sentences per day, so it's manageable to do every day). Friends, one of my all-time favorite shows, is on in the background. I know every episode, but I still never get sick of it.

10:34 PM
The episode of Friends I was watching is over. I lay awake for a bit longer to see if Britta is going to wake up (this tends to be a time she's up fairly regularly), but she remains quiet, so it's time for bed! I gotta get some sleep before Britta gets me up!

10:35 PM 
One more peek at the monitor. Yup, she's out. Goodnight!

So there you have it! Anyone still reading? This post turned out to be WAY longer than I thought it would be, so thanks for hanging in there if you did. Leave a comment if you enjoyed it! I'd love to hear from you.

Britta's Birth Story

I can't believe it's been a month since Britta was born! Time is flying already!!

Anyways...I love birth stories. I loved writing Linnea's birth story - it was so empowering to put into words what the experience was like, and what my body was able to do. I knew that when Britta was born, I would want to do the same thing - to be able to remember the amazing gift of that day forever.

Like I did with Linnea's birth story, I will warn you here...this is a birth story, and I won't hold back details. So if you don't want to her intricate details regarding the birth, stop reading now.

For Britta's birth story, I back up to the Friday before my due date (I was due on Sunday). I had my 39 week (even though it was closer to 40 weeks) appointment with my OB. I left work that day for my appointment feeling SO certain I would not be back. Looking back, I realize how silly that was. I didn't really have any reason to think that - other than the fact that Linnea came right on time. I guess I assumed that since Linnea was on time, this baby would be as well - maybe even a little early. Ha! Not so.

At my appointment, my doctor and I chatted about how I was feeling (great, actually - though getting impatient), and when we thought Baby Sister would come. She did an exam, and much to my surprise, I was dilated to 1 cm. Now I know this isn't much of anything, but with Linnea I had ZERO progress the day before I went into labor, so I really wasn't expecting to have any sort of progress prior to giving birth.

My doctor seemed encouraged by what she was feeling/seeing, and she was quite hopeful that I would likely have the baby soon...perhaps even by the end of the weekend. Hooray! I left the appointment feeling excited, and certain that Baby Sister was on her way.

Well...my due date came and went without much change. All weekend I was feeling sort of crampy - on and off contractions. Again, not really anything I experienced with Linnea. I didn't know if they were Braxton Hicks, or legit contractions - or something in between. Either way, I'd have contractions/cramps for a bit, and then they would go away. Womp womp.

Monday came, and I grudgingly got up and got ready for work. Seriously, it was painful. When I had left on Friday I had everything wrapped up really well. All of my work for the quarter was done, and in the best place it possibly could be. But Monday was the start of a new quarter, and a whole new load of work. I struggled to know what to do - how much to dig in to stuff, what to focus on, etc. And I had a really hard time focusing. I was on pins and needles, waiting to go into labor.

All week at work was much the same - leaving every day hoping it was my last, only to be back the next day. My co-workers were so kind and supportive - but I ended up answering the same questions every day, all day. I felt like the movie "Groundhog's Day" - the same day, over and over.

By midweek I was actually getting quite anxious. Baby Sister was not moving around as much. I notice this, and start to get paranoid that something was wrong. On Wednesday it got bad enough that I ended up leaving early and going into the clinic to make sure everything was okay. The doctor I saw (who was someone I've never seen - not even the same clinic) was great. She was very reassuring and thorough. We listened to the baby for longer than usual. She explained the sounds and movement she was hearing and feeling. She also checked me - I was dilated to 3! Again, so different for me - to be late, and to have that kind of progression!

That night Jeromy and I talked about a game plan for work. I explained my anxiety and how difficult it was for my mental health and well being to be struggling through work days. We decided that I would work half days on Thursday and Friday, and then be done, whether the baby was here or not (thankfully it didn't come to that!).

On Thursday we attended a closing celebration for Linnea's week at Vacation Bible School. It was hard for me to be there - I had hoped/planned that we would have the baby by then, and maybe even be able to bring her. Instead, I was very pregnant, fielding lots of comments and questions.

On Friday I woke up in the four o'clock hour, needing to use the bathroom. As I crawled back into bed I started having contractions. This had happened most of the week in much the same way, so at that point I just got crabby, assuming it was another false alarm.

But they kept coming. And were quite regular (every 5 minutes or so). And were a little painful (not horrible, but enough that I couldn't really get back to sleep). I woke Jeromy up a little before 6 and told him that today was the day! It worked out great because it was Friday, so Linnea was due to go to my parents (they take care of her every Friday). I knew that we still had a bit of time, so we got up and got ready like any other day (just with some contractions thrown in!). Jeromy and Linnea headed out for my parents' house, and I got into the tub with a bowl of cereal and some juice. Like with Linnea's labor, the tub helped me relax and ease the pain of the contractions a bit.

After a bit, Jeromy came back and started gathering our things. I knew that I wasn't as far progressed as I was with Linnea when we headed into the hospital, but I wanted to go. I was anxious that we'd get stuck in rush hour traffic, and I was worried things would progress faster than with Linnea and we'd risk not getting to the hospital in time.

As we drove to the hospital we joked about how it seemed that Baby Sister wanted to differentiate herself as much as possible - it seemed as though everything was different with this labor! We got to the hospital, and made our way up to Labor and Delivery.

I was so much more at ease this time. Yes, of course I was a little anxious, but I felt a boost of confidence having been through the process before. The nurses were very kind, getting us checked in and everything. When they examined me upon check in (around 9:30 or 9:45), I was a "stretchy 5 with a bulging bag of water (gross! ha ha!)."

The nurse asked about our birth plan. We explained that, as with Linnea, we had a "non-plan plan." Ideally, go without medication/intervention, but open to options as needed. The nurses were very supportive of this.

The hospital had been renovated since Linnea was born, and now included water birth suites. I had considered trying for a water birth, but opted not to (mainly because I'd have to switch from working with my OB to the midwives. I'm sure the midwives are wonderful, but I love my OB). I had asked when we had done a tour a couple weeks before if we could request a water birth suite if there was one open. The lady looked at me funny, but said that one could certainly try. So I did - and there was one available.

We got into the room, which seriously felt like a spa. The tub was HUGE - super deep, and easily long enough for me to lay completely flat in it if I wanted to. Additionally, there was a big, flat screen TV with a naturescapes-type channel - a slideshow of pictures/video of animals and pretty scenery. The accompanying music was beautiful and relaxing.

At that point, contractions were quite regular, and a little painful - but still manageable. Jeromy and I chatted in between them. Our nurse (Kate) came in periodically to check on how everything was going.

I stayed in the tub for an hour or so I suppose, and then decided to get out. I was getting a little stir crazy, and wanted the option to move around more. I got out and dried off, and climbed into bed. Contractions were getting significantly more painful at this point. When I was checked at this point I was a 7/8. We checked in about pain management - if I wanted/needed anything. Although it was painful, I was confident that I could once again manage without an epidural. Unlike with Linnea (when I had minimal pain medication), I opted for nothing - feeling like I was managing things well without any medication.

Kate was super fabulous - very encouraging and calming. She was very positive about how I was managing labor, and empowering - telling me to trust and listen to my body. She also encouraged me to try to "shut down" between contractions to get some rest. At first I thought she was crazy, thinking it was next to impossible, but (much to my surprise) I found that I could. I curled up on my side, focused on the nature music, and drifted off in between.

This stretch of labor was fairly uneventful. Regular, painful contractions. Mostly laying quietly, but becoming more vocal with contractions. Kate coming in and out to check on me, and helping me relax and focus my breathing.

At some point Kate told me she was staying until the baby came, and that I was getting close. She again told me to focus on my breathing, since it was getting a little more out of control and frantic as contractions got worse. She gently told me to listen to my body, and that I could bear down if I needed to. She checked me around this time and I was basically at 10 (with just a tiny bit of cervix left to dilate).

Kate had asked me a few times between 8 and 10 cm if I wanted her to break my water. Each time she explained that it would like speed things up, but also make things more intense. Each time she asked I turned her down. I felt comfortable with the speed of how things were progressing, and didn't really want things to get more intense if I could avoid it.

Fast forward to me around 10 cm. It was just me, Jeromy, and Kate in the room. Things were very quiet in between contractions. Another contraction came and I moaned/breathed through the pain. All of a sudden there was this HUGE pop and gush. All three of us sort of jumped/startled. I had this immediate warmth and wetness all over. I heard it splash on the floor. Jeromy still laughs - saying that it was seriously like someone throwing a bucket of water - claiming that it splashed halfway across the floor. My water had, quite dramatically, broken.

Kate was right - immediately things got much more intense. I panicked a little bit, and started to cry. I had come so far, but it hurt so bad now, and I was scared about what I still needed to do. Kate and Jeromy were there to reassure me - that she'd be here soon. At this point it was probably 1:00 or so, maybe a bit after.

Other nurses and doctors started to come in and prep the room for baby. I was seriously delirious - aware of the action and energy around me, but exhausted and in a good deal of pain. The time had come to start pushing. A resident started me going at first, but I really struggled - I had done this before, but it felt so awkward. I felt unfocused and weak - and unsure of when/how to push, and where I was within the process. After a bit the attending doctor stepped in, which I was so thankful for. She was much more intentional about telling me what to do - counting out loud of the pushes, and telling me which pushes were good.

Each round of contractions came, and I would grabbed the back of my thighs and bear down. The doctor had me push as long as I could at the beginning of the contraction (usually about 15 seconds), take a deep breath and push again. I would get two, sometimes three pushes in with each contraction.

At this point I felt so weak. It took EVERYTHING I had to push each time. Each time a contraction would come I'd start to cry because I didn't want to face it. But each time I summoned the strength within, and pushed as hard as I could. (Side note: later that day, and especially the next I noticed that my arms were super sore. I couldn't figure out why, and then realized it was from holding my legs. My arms got a really good workout that day!)

Maybe it sounds weird, but at this point it was almost an out of body experience. I was quite delirious. I was exhausted and SO hot (around this time I took my gown off altogether because I was overheating so bad). I was making sounds that seemed so foreign to me. Screaming, grunting, moaning, etc. felt like all I could do to get me through each contraction/push. I was oddly aware of myself and the state I was in, but almost felt disconnected - really hard to explain.

From the beginning I had been nervous that I would be pushing for as long as I did with Linnea (2 1/2 hours or so). Kate assured me that would not be the case - that Baby Sister would come much faster. Thankfully she was right, and before I knew it, everyone was excitedly telling me she was almost here. I felt the "ring of fire" as her head came out, and shortly after could feel the rest of her. The doctor announced the time (1:53) and put Britta on my chest. I bawled. Sheer exhaustion. Sheer love. Sheer pride in what I had done.

After a couple minutes, they took Britta to test her vitals and get her measured. Some of the nurses and doctors stayed with me to get me finished up. Another experience that was different with Britta was delivery of the placenta. With Linnea, I have no memory of delivering the placenta. I know it came out, but it didn't hurt and I wasn't aware of it. With Britta, the doctor had to guide me through delivering it - a couple more pushes and some pushing of my stomach on her part. It was a little painful, but short lived. I tore just a bit during the whole process, and needed one stitch.

While this was going on Jeromy was with Britta. When it came time for her to be weighed, he yelled across to me to see what my guess was. On the way to the hospital we guessed her to be about 8 pounds, 5 ounces. I couldn't believe it when Jeromy told me she was 9 pounds, 5 ounces, and 22.25"!! Big girl!

Once they were done with both Britta and I, Jeromy and I each got a chance to meet Britta. She was awake and SO alert. It was surreal to be able to look into her eyes - she was finally here, and she was perfect.

My favorite part of the whole experience came after Britta was born. I got out of bed to get showered off (Rain shower head! Seriously, it was like a spa!). What I really wanted was a bath. When I mentioned that, the nurses told me I could get back into the tub - and then suggested that Britta join me.

So they filled the tub again, and I got back in. They stripped Britta down, and laid her on my chest. They covered her with wet towels so she'd stay warm. She hadn't had her first bath yet, so I got to clean her off- scrub her little head, wipe down her back and legs, wash her tiny toes and fingers. I had tried to nurse her shortly after she was born, but she wasn't really having it. But in the tub she happily nursed well for 20 minutes or so. It. Was. Heaven. I will never, ever forget those sweet minutes with her.

I had been so nervous leading up to Britta's birth - how would it go, how would I manage, would everyone be healthy, would we like the nurses. In those quiet minutes after Britta was born I had a huge wave of relief. I had done it. I was so proud of myself. So thankful for my support team - Jeromy and our awesome nurse Kate. So relieved that she was finally here. My heart was full.

She's here! And perfect, if I do say so myself!

Meeting Daddy...

Meeting Mama...

I couldn't stop kissing her...

My favorite memory of the experience. I may not look it, but this is the face of pure happiness, pride, and relief.